“I did not have anyone to call in my deepest, darkest hour” Tweet This
It seems like the universe is screaming at you that it’s time.
Steven Shewach has been seeking out strong male friendships for the past few years and he’s learned a lot along the way. Then in the space of a few months he went through a divorce and then his seemingly healthy dog of 9 years passed away.
With nothing left holding him in one place, Steven is packing up his things and selling his house to head out on an unknown adventure. I got to sit down and talk to him at the start of his journey and we talked about how male friendships have really helped him through this turbulent time.
Steven’s website: Steven Shewach
Steven’s upcoming book: Man Date
Here’s what I wrote down from talking to Steven:
- Being in a man void: Have you been or are you in a stage in your life without many male friends. Steven called this a Man Void and tells us how he got out of it.
- “When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable. If we dismiss all the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits gets crushed. It’s a tightrope, shame resilience is the balance bar, and the safety net below is the one or two people in our lives who can help us reality-check the criticism and cynicism.” – Brené Brown
- Close male relationships: Steven talks about just how important his close male friends have been to him over the past few years of change he has gone through.
- What makes it safe to open up to another man? Steve lists the qualities he looks for when he wants to open the door to more vulnerability with a friend. Confidentiality, empathy, shared experiences and an openness to being open are among them. They need to be doing the work, you need to be doing the work and then together you need to do the work.
- Being congruent: On being able to have a difference in point of view without being threatened by others.
“You don’t become offended, you CHOOSE to be offended.” Tweet This
- An embarrassing story of mine: I’m not going to recount it here in the notes, you’ll just have to listen to the episode.
- Telling a man you love him: Steven and I talk about telling our male friends we love them, something that is new for both of us, and how hard it is saying it at first. We then go into how we need to redefine ‘Love’ because at the moment it’s tangled up in romance.
“That feeling of being close to another man, that to me is brotherhood, that’s fucking sacred.” Tweet This
- Books Steven mentions: